R M L

Today, like every other day, I expirenced discrimination, prejudice and threats from my neighboors, who act out of irrational fear brought on by archaic stereotypes about my people. I am an elf. RML

Today, I met a man who I thought was an intellectual because he was wearing glasses. Turns out he operates a jackhammer for a living. RML

Today, I had the day off of work so I decided to go to the beach and relax away my troubles. My dog was eaten by a pelican. RML

Today, I realized that the success or failure of most new and old businesses in my community is based soley upon the company’s decision to employ two mulit-talented twin chameleons who speak with thick accents of an undiscernable origin. And I think they might be gay. RML

Today, I maxed out my credit card buying a dog bowl. RML

Today, I went camping with my friend who has severe ADHD. We sung “Hot Cross Buns” for several hours. RML

Today, I went to the movies and was mistaken for an usher by a belligerent woman who wanted me to ask a large, intimidating man to stop smoking his cigar in the theater. Being the gentleman that I am, I politely asked him to abstain. He beat me up. Then the woman effortlessly beat him up. RML

Today, I bought a new vacuum and it destroyed my entire town. RML

Today, I took my friend who is deathly afraid of airplanes on a flight to Las Vegas. Along the way we hit major turbulence and had to take an emergency landing, complete with inflatable escape slide. He had the time of his life. I’m still shitting bricks. RML

Today, my son told me he was bringing home an elk for dinner. It was his date. RML