R M L

Today, my friend asked me which I thought was funnier, bananas or cheese. I should have ignored him, but deep down inside I knew cheese was funnier. RML

Today, I saw my friend trade his beloved pet, a loaf of bread, into the vet for a jar of sauce. These are my friends. RML.

Today, like every other day, I expirenced discrimination, prejudice and threats from my neighboors, who act out of irrational fear brought on by archaic stereotypes about my people. I am an elf. RML

Today, I met a man who I thought was an intellectual because he was wearing glasses. Turns out he operates a jackhammer for a living. RML

Today, I had the day off of work so I decided to go to the beach and relax away my troubles. My dog was eaten by a pelican. RML

Today, I realized that the success or failure of most new and old businesses in my community is based soley upon the company’s decision to employ two mulit-talented twin chameleons who speak with thick accents of an undiscernable origin. And I think they might be gay. RML

Today, I maxed out my credit card buying a dog bowl. RML

Today, I went camping with my friend who has severe ADHD. We sung “Hot Cross Buns” for several hours. RML

Today, I went to the movies and was mistaken for an usher by a belligerent woman who wanted me to ask a large, intimidating man to stop smoking his cigar in the theater. Being the gentleman that I am, I politely asked him to abstain. He beat me up. Then the woman effortlessly beat him up. RML

Today, I bought a new vacuum and it destroyed my entire town. RML